25 Thoughts

1. Growing up, my older brothers resented the attention I gained so much that they took to derisively calling me King David. I was oblivious.
2. I’m also oblivious if someone is interested in me. Flirting is completely lost. Unless you hit me over the head caveman style, I will just see everything as innocent conversation.
3. I am woefully—contrary to popular belief—and am uncomfortable in any social situation where I don’t know anyone. The only way I bypass the fear of starting up a conversation is to pretend that I am working.
4. One thing I learned over the years is that—unless I am truly passionate about my job—I live by the credo of “working to live, not living to work.”
5. Passion is something that I have always felt myself to be lacking. I see people who dive into life with gusto, while I feel as if I have been lurking in the shadows for much of my life. I am in awe of those whose passion focuses their actions.
6. It frustrates me that back pain has caused me to give up two things that I am passionate about—bowling, gardening, and softball.
7. Writing has become something I enjoy, but so far find difficulty (lack of passion?) in making the time necessary to be successful. Considering I found my writing voice after turning 40, I give myself at least a few years to publish my own version of the Great American Novel.
8. Rarely do I get invited to parties. Not sure if that means I’m boring and unpopular or whether (more likely) I’m forgettable and an afterthought. Sometimes I feel left out and unloved because of this.
9. I find it hard to maintain friendships after I move away. That’s what has made FaceBook so fun. I’ve re-connected with quite a few people, including some I haven’t seen or talked with in more than 30 years.
10. I cook like my mother—casseroles, meat & potatoes—and rarely take culinary risks.
11. Also, like my mother, I love DisneyWorld and, much to Thom’s chagrin, could spend every vacation there. I find it comforting and the experience never fails to put a smile on my face.
12. Rollercoasters frighten me and I have given over to my fear for Thom’s sake (he loves them and will do anything that involves speed). But I still have my limits.
13. I have never been out of the country and don’t even have a passport. It’s not that I wouldn’t like to visit some places, but finances being what they are I never imagine being able to afford traveling the world.
14. I love playing board games and party games, just as long as I don’t have to draw anything—Picasso I ain’t.
15. There have been times when I showed an interest in picking up a musical instrument and learning how to play. Frustration sets in almost immediately when perfection doesn’t spontaneously appear. I guess this comes from the fact that I pick up most things easily whether it be computer programs, sports, or trivia.
16. Coming up with 25 things is excruciating. Talking about “me” is a chore. I’d really rather be learning about you.
17. Some people are afraid of failure. I, on the other hand, think that I suffer from a fear of success.
18. Of all the places I’ve lived (Chicago, Oregon, NY’s Hudson Valley, South Florida), I would like to retire in Oregon (that’s Ore-E-Gun, son). I’ve never lived in someplace with as many shades of green.
19. Too often I have amazing ideas, but little follow-up. I really should be employed by a major corporation as a visionary.
20. Because I don’t express it, you may not know how much of a friend I consider you to be. I care deeply about so many people and never forget those I consider in my heart to be worthy of friendship. Acquaintances come and go, but friendships, though time and distance get in the way, last forever.
21. I’m not sure if I’ve ever said anything profound, but I have uttered encyclopedias of profane.
22. I love my family deeply. No matter how long it has been since we’ve seen each other, each is precious in my eyes.
23. I am loved and in love. It is the most wonderful essence.
24. Of all the regrets I have throughout the course of my life, it’s that I’ve never had the opportunity to become a father. I know that I would’ve made a great dad. Now I live in a state where I couldn’t adopt, even if I wanted, just for being gay. How many children lose out on loving homes because of the ignorance of others.
25. I still believe in Santa. For me he embodies the goodness of the world.